We All Have Problems!

m 16 gay. i have a crush on my junior. i really like him and really wanna know him more. but i even barely talk to him. plus i don't know if he's gay too or not. one thing for sure is i often catch him looking at me, i thought he liked me at first and planned to go try talking to him but then he asked another girl out. im so brokenhearted. although he's with her he's still looking at me! ugh. im very upset because i wish i had someone, but i have no one. :( what should i do?

anthagio — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 11:17:49 -0400

Him looking at you doesn’t really mean anything, to be honest. There’s really nothing you can do unless he comes to you since you don’t know if he’s gay or not, and approaching him might put him on the defense if he’s not gay.

- Anthony

m 15 gay. ive spent many times not feeling good about myself. i wanna come out, but im scared. i live in a homophobic city and my mom is a huge homophobic. she thinks that it's a sin and that gays are scary. but it's really bugging the fuck out of me to just stay in the closet. what should i do? should i just live in the closet for the rest of my life like i know many people do out there? sometimes i wonder why god hates gays if he created us. i just want to live peacefully

anthagio — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 11:16:37 -0400

Honestly, I’d advise you to stay in the closet. If coming out might endanger you because of where you live, it’s best to keep your sexuality to yourself until you’re out on your own. After you go off to college or move out of your house, you can then come out to your mom. That way you won’t have to worry about living in the same house as someone who doesn’t approve of who you are. If you really want to come out in some way, maybe you can come out to your friends. Normally younger people nowadays are more accepting.

- Anthony

M 21, basically I'm gay and I've never had a boyfriend. My closest friends knows it but I haven't told my parents yet. I live in a small and kinda homophobic city and I've never met another gay boy. My life is not 100% shit but I always feel very lonely and hate almost everything about my personality (I'm shy and very awkward with people despite being a swimmer), I'd like to change my life but I don't have a clue how to do it and I don't feel like doing such things as online dating...

anthagio — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 19:31:14 -0500

Online dating might actually work for you, though. I mean, if your goal is to find other guys like you or to just find people to hang out with. Sometimes when you live in a small town and you aren’t aware of anyone else who shares the same interests as you, can be a vital tool. Why not give it a try? You can set up a profile on a dating site and see if there are other people around you. It doesn’t mean you have to date or meet anyone, but you’ll be able to see that you aren’t alone in your town.

- Anthony

F/17 I've never had a real "crush" on a guy. I always told friends that I didn't have one but felt the need to lie later on in case they started questioning me on why. I've found some guys cute in the past but haven't liked any of them to a level in which I can say I have a "crush" on them because each guy I started liking had bad personalities & were actually assholes. I get crushes on mostly female celebs though....but I don't like other girls that way. Is there something wrong with me?

anthagio — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 15:08:09 -0500

Well no, there’s nothing wrong with you for having crushes on female celebrities. I think it’s easier to crush on a celebrity because of how we hold them up on a pedestal. Because of who they are, we don’t see the negative aspects of their personalities so we think they’re perfect and it makes it easier to like them. On the contrary, you know the guys you meet in real life and there are no PR people behind them to keep them from exposing their horrible personalities to you so it’s easier to dislike them.

- Anthony

M 28 I was beaten as a child which has lead me to be a quiet person. if you don't know me. but if you do know me, I'm very childish. I don't swear. I don't drink alcohol. Tbh I'd rather watch cartoons then go to a club. Somehow someway I've gotten a girlfriend, she's beautiful and is always my shoulder to cry on. And she's experienced sexually. She wants to have sex, but I'm still a virgin and well, I don't give sex much thought so I feel like it's gonna be bad. I'm nervous but she insists.

anthagio — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 19:31:00 -0500

Well firstly, not drinking alcohol and preferring cartoons over clubbing does not make you childish, it just means you have preferences. Secondly, if she knows you’re a virgin, then she most likely understands what it’s like to have sex for the first time. You’re lucky, though, because she’ll be able to guide you through it. You’re not going to be perfect the first time around and nobody should expect you to be. And guess what, it might be bad, that’s the point. No one is a sex expert the first time around. She sounds like a great girl and you don’t have anything to worry about.

- Anthony

M 23 I can't think of a good reason to stay alive other than my family and friends. I am only alive for them and because I'm not brave enough to kill me. I don't want to do anything with my life and I see no point in anything. I have always had low self-esteem, problems expressing myself and I am really inmature. I have this feeling that I am wasting people's time, all would be so much easier if they ignore me. why stay alive if I don't want to live?

anthagio — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 19:22:01 -0500

Not being brave enough to commit suicide is a sign that you don’t actually want to die. Something inside of you is telling you that it’s worth living even though you can’t seem to find a reason. Life isn’t easy and we all have shit that we have to deal with on a daily basis, and you have to understand that while things are tough now, things won’t always be the same. You’re only 23, you’re young and have your whole life ahead of you. I don’t know what exactly goes on in your life, but I do know that living is and will always be better than not living. Don’t stay alive for other people, find a reason for yourself, then you will be happy.

- Anthony

F 20 My boyfriend of 2 years wants to have sex (he jacks off a lot, I catch almost every month). He's really experienced, before we et he was sort of known for being a player- but now he's a good boy. I'm a virgin, and I'm worried that I'm going to ruin it someway or another. But he's really sweet and wants to, I hate saying no to him so much. Should I give in or wait a bit longer?

americanbornterror — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 07:35:43 -0500

You should only have sex when YOU’RE ready. And personally, if you really really really like or LOVE him. Don’t just give it up to anyone. I’m serious. You will regret it if you just give it away. If he’s pressuring you to have sex he needs to fuck off. Only have sex when the time feels right for you. Because the worst feeling in the world is regret. Trust me. I wish I would’ve waited for the right guy. Do what’s right for you.

-Vanessa

I wish I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles, then we could all eat it and be happy.

livefreeordavid — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 00:02:50 -0500

Funny.

Algebra anon- Thank you for your advice! I am getting my semester grades soon, and I am worried because I have gotten consecutive D-'s on tests, and because test grades form my semester grade, this could mean that I will be suggested to be moved from my school, which worries me so much. I don't want to leave my school! What do I do? Will I be ok? (I'm still sorting out my sleeping issue- I know that I start sleeping in the afternoon during Bio/Chinese, so I am trying to fix it.)

anthagio — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 05:49:34 -0500

Well, you have to work harder and maybe study more so your grades will improve. If you have to end up leaving, it might suck, but things will be okay in the long run.

- Anthony

F21 My mom just recently passed. I miss her terribly but Im mostly worried about my dad whose entire existence was her. He has hobbies but he devoted his life to taking care of her and now that shes gone he feels utterly lost. He goes to therapy, but I worry that he doesnt have the mechanism to deal with these emotions and might do something rash. I hate to see him cry and cant imagine losing your soulmate but I can only say/do so much. I want him to be okay because my mom would want him to be.

anthagio — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 05:48:38 -0500

I had to deal with this with my grandma after my grandpa passed away. Honestly, there’s nothing you can do but just be there for him. Let him know you’re there and make sure you are there whenever he needs you. He will forever grieve over your mother, but time is the only way things get better, and by “better”, I simply mean that things come along and it gets a bit easier.

- Anthony

F 14. I just got broken up with like three days ago and before, since I knew it would happen, I started having feelings for one of my guy friend's best friends. Today at lunch I told my friend I liked him and she asked him out. He said yes and I know I should be happy, but my guy friend I was talking about earlier told my ex and he looked heartbroken. I still like my ex, but technically I'm dating the other guy.... idk what to do :/

anthagio — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 05:44:51 -0500

Why did you start a new relationship if you weren’t over your ex? You sound as if you’re not really sure what a relationship is and you’re just in one because you’re young and have crushes. Break up with who you are and give yourself some time to think about who you like so that you can get over the other guy and commit yourself.

- Anthony

F 16 I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and before dating her, we were friends for 5 years. I lost my friendship with her (I was a total asshole when we broke up) and I just wanted to apologize for all the stuff I said. But I don't know how to do it! What should I tell her?

anthagio — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 21:16:42 -0500

I can’t tell you what to say to her because I don’t know what you did. I personally would give her some time to deal with the break up and get over you being an asshole before I apologized. During that time, think about what you did and how you can apologize to her.

- Anthony

F 16. I've never had a boyfriend before, but I want one. It's not like I go trying to date every single guy ever - I'm pretty picky. I've been interested in two guys this year (at different times), and EACH TIME we have had a 'thing' and definitely had something there, like we'd kiss and hang out and cuddle, but then when it was starting to get more serious without it getting official, they both had someone else they were in love with. I don't know how to deal with this feeling of being unwanted

anthagio — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 19:07:23 -0500

Sounds like they’re just not ready to start a committed relationship. It’s not really you they don’t want, it’s the commitment They’re young and they want to play the field, so try not to take it to heart. Plus, you’re only 16, meaning you have loads of time to find someone who wants to be with you and only you. Don’t sweat it.

- Anthony

F 13 I've been best friends with my friend since 3rd grade. 4 years now. I made a tumblr about a year ago, and a few weeks in I became friends with this guy (he's gay) & we've talked everyday since. I told my BFF about him 2 months ago because she didn't ask much about it.I now bring him up frequently and she asked for pictures of him. He's sent me a few,& said it was fine for me to show them. I did. But she says "He looks like a model... Not in a good way tho" she keeps questioning me. Idk why.

anthagio — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 09:46:41 -0500

Maybe she’s wary of the guy looking like a model and talking to a thirteen year old girl. She has the right to be wary and to question you.

- Anthony

So i'm a 20 yr old male & there's a guy i have been talking to and he confessed to me that he has been crushing on me .We had a talk before about me needing space and time from people in general but he keeps crossing that boundary and i don't know what to do . He texts me excessively to the point where i feel suffocated and i don't know what to do , i see his name pop up on my phone and i get mad and annoyed . I know its me with the issue but i don't know what to tell him .

anthagio — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 09:45:51 -0500

You don’t have issues. You clearly stated that you need “time from people in general” and he’s the one overstepping the boundary. He sounds needy as fuck, so my advice would be to just ignore him or tell him to fuck off. If he’s like this when you’re not even dating, imagine how he would be if you started dating.

- Anthony

18/M I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with my sexuality. I don't know why; I don't think being gay is wrong at all, but for some reason it's really hard for me. I'm so unsure, but at the same time I've been attracted to men all my life. I want to tell my friends, but I'm afraid and i don't know how to tell them. I'm just so confused and this has eaten away at me for forever.

livefreeordavid — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 23:16:55 -0500

The best thing to do for yourself is to be honest. I think you know what you want to do, and it is completely understandable that this is nerve-wracking for you. I suggest that you tell a close friend that you trust if you think you are ready to “come out.” Your true friends will be there for you no matter what.

- David

F,14; I've been having a lot of trouble in Algebra.I'm in the Honors class, I managed to land a B- last semester (test grades form the whole grade), and I've landed a 64 and 64 on my last two tests. I was suggested to get a tutor, but my mom wants to ask the dean about getting me to move from my class to the regular class, but I've already had to talk to her before about concentration and sleeping issues, and I don't want to give the impression I'm a bad student. What do we do?

americanbornterror — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 22:22:09 -0500

Maybe switching to a regular class is best for you. You don’t want to jeopardize your future by trying to take classes you’re not prepared for. If you believe the issue lies elsewhere like concentration and sleeping problems, maybe you should talk to someone about why you’re having sleeping problems. Those issues have a root somewhere so its better to find out what now to fix the problem. For now I suggest you either get a tutor or moving to a regular class until you’ve gotten your sleeping problem sorted out. You’re only 14, you’ll still get a chance to take Honor and AP classes.

-Vanessa

F/21 - I'm helplessly in love with my best-friend-with-benefits, but he says I'm too ugly for him to date publically. When we're not together, we talk all day on text/IM. We tell each other everything and he's helping me get a job after I graduate from college. He tells me how I'm the best sex he's ever had and that he loves being my friend, but constantly turns me down and says horrible things about me when I suggest taking things to the relationship level. I don't want to lose him. Help?

americanbornterror — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 08:02:18 -0500

Here’s a suggestion: lose him. That guy is an asshole. He doesn’t deserve you, that’s for damn sure. No guy should be treating you like that. You deserve way better than that. You need to tell him that you’re done being his fuck buddy because it only hurts you and if you don’t believe that, trust me you will get hurt if you’re not already. Never let a guy use you like that sweetie. You’re worth more than that. You will find a guy who wants to date you and take you out and who will be proud to show you off and hey maybe your asshole fuck buddy will realize how much he lost out on. Dump the loser.

-Vanessa

F/13. My mom says there's something wrong with my attitude because she just recently discovered that I cut. She says that if I managed to do it in the past, I would be able to do it again. But the thing is, I vowed to myself that I will never do it again. Now she's saying that's she's a looking for some kind of doctor for me and I just don't understand. I mean, it's over, why are they still making a big deal out of this?

americanbornterror — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 10:00:45 -0500

Because you’re self-mutilating. Do you blame your parents for being concerned about your mental and physical health? If they didn’t care, I assure you, you’d cut again. One of my best friends, when were were in 9th grade, used to cut until she got caught. And she never did it again. I think almost everyone who cuts just needs someone to talk to, to get to the bottom of why they’re harming themselves like that. You may not like it, but talking to someone is what you need to do. It is a big deal because you’re risking your own life. You may not even get the grand scope of it now but your life is not something to fuck around with, kiddo. Get to the bottom of why you cut and you will uncover a lot about yourself. I hope you get the help you need.

-Vanessa

I think im in love with my teacher?

livefreeordavid — Sat, 01 Dec 2012 02:11:38 -0500

Having a relationship with a teacher is illegal. I’m assuming your teacher is not pursuing anything with you, but this is likely a crush that will pass.

- David